Tuesday 7 May 2013

Day 7: The thing you’re most afraid of... (BEDM)


SPIDERS.

I know it’s a cliché, and everyone’s first exemplar. I know it’s predictable, and everyone will choose it.

But I am.  I am pathologically afraid of Spiders.

At least I was. I have battled in recent years to rid myself of what I know to be an irrational, unfounded and frankly ridiculous fear- and with moderate success, but it’s still there.

I don’t know where it came from. I do remember certain episodes as a child: On my father’s shoulders stacking roof tiles in an overhead garage alcove, picking up the next tile, and seeing this huge fucker squatting there looking at me.

Not the ordinary, spindly little fucks we get in the UK, with a little raisin body and wispy little, delicate legs. This was like a jungle creature- with head, thorax and abdomen, segmented and fleshy; large, pencil-thick, hairy legs. I held it out in front of me on the tile and had some manner of panic/asthma attack. I couldn’t talk and my parents had no idea what I was so upset about until I regained my powers of speech a few minutes later.

That’s my earliest memory of spider-related panic. But I was clearly already afraid of them, so whether something else came before or not, I can’t say- but it’s possible. I’ve certainly been afraid ever since. Even plastic ones and pictures really, really bothered me throughout my childhood. It was, I’d later learn during my degree, a very clear example of a genuine developing phobia.

The problem with phobias is, when you avoid the stimulus and circumvent the ensuing panic, you reinforce the avoidance and accentuate the feeling of dread. With every occasion in which you run from a spider and suffer no ill effects, you learn to fear them more.

It grows.

Into some super-mega-spider-beast.

This is why gradual exposure and flooding are used to combat phobias. You need to break the self-perpetuating, learned avoidance cycle.

It was during my Abnormal and Clinical Psychology tutoring that I started to unpick the problem. Without warning, at the start of a lecture, the guy leading flashed up a picture between slides. A massive, fuck off tarantula.

The result? Blind panic and an inability to sit calmly for the duration.

I remember feeling like I needed to cry for the whole hour just to get it out, but social regulation made me sit there and not make a fuss. As the lecture continued he basically described the same process that had engendered and maintained the fear for my whole life.

These days I have tried to shake it off. I no longer recoil at the sight of your every day spider. I don’t care so much because I have made myself not care. I hate being at the mercy of irrational emotions and a victim of a brain following a defective thought process that just doesn’t need to run. I can now often rescue, deport or squash visiting spiders without much anxiety too, which is good.

And big, scary, proper spiders? Still hate ‘em but I can see a picture or footage of one without full blown recoil or panic *IF* I know it’s coming.  But when they are unexpectedly spliced into TV footage without warning, or they pop up unexpectedly as a twitpic or something? Those take me ages to climb down from. I can’t get my brain back to normal for ages sometimes.

So I’m far better than I was, but expectation is the key. The longstanding, primal fear is still there- and even when I know it’s coming I’m still rattled, but the surprise appearances are the ones that shake me.  And only for the ‘right’ kind of spider.
But even in finding this little gem, I still had to look through Google Images squinting with my head to one side, in case the ‘right’ kind of spider popped up.

I don’t think I’ll ever rationalise it completely, however well I understand the process.

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