1) CRUSHES ARE FLEETING.
It isn’t love, dear gays. It is infatuation. You may well feel that, after a
week going out with a guy, he is perfect. That you are beautiful together. That
no-one has ever felt like you feel.
You may even feel the urge to share this with others. To
proclaim your love, and how amazing he is, and how perfect your new relationship
is, and how no-one else could possible understand.
But I would advise against this, for the following reasons:
a. It makes you sound like you are a 12 year old girl.
b. Your relationship will likely be over in a further 3 weeks, when you remember that you can’t handle the commitment.
c. You went through this entire process 2 months ago, with a previous perfect guy. It was horrible to listen to then, and it is horrible to listen to now.
b. Your relationship will likely be over in a further 3 weeks, when you remember that you can’t handle the commitment.
c. You went through this entire process 2 months ago, with a previous perfect guy. It was horrible to listen to then, and it is horrible to listen to now.
By all means enjoy yourself, and fall in love, be soppy and
romantic and talk about it. But do not overstate what you have. It’s been a
week, it’s not unique to you and it may not last. Crushes are fleeting.
Infatuation *feels* amazing, but is not sustained. If you are lucky (or careful
about how you play it) you may end up in love for real, which is nice. But this
takes time...
2) PASTA BEFORE BED KILLS HANGOVERS.
It’s true. Hangovers are horrible, but they are easily avoided. Simply cook yourself a meal when you get in from clubbing, comprised mainly of pasta, and you will awaken the following morning feeling fine, if slightly full.
It’s true. Hangovers are horrible, but they are easily avoided. Simply cook yourself a meal when you get in from clubbing, comprised mainly of pasta, and you will awaken the following morning feeling fine, if slightly full.
3) QUALIFICATIONS DON’T EQUAL SUCCESS
At least, not necessarily. We tell you all the time that you need qualifications to get on in life. And most of the time that’s true. Sometimes though, it’s just down to luck. Most of the rich, smarmy fuckfaces you meet are super-stupid. They just somehow defied the odds and managed to wangle a highly paid job without having to demonstrate intelligence AND managed to not get run over by ice-cream trucks during their formative years despite their alarming stupidity.
At least, not necessarily. We tell you all the time that you need qualifications to get on in life. And most of the time that’s true. Sometimes though, it’s just down to luck. Most of the rich, smarmy fuckfaces you meet are super-stupid. They just somehow defied the odds and managed to wangle a highly paid job without having to demonstrate intelligence AND managed to not get run over by ice-cream trucks during their formative years despite their alarming stupidity.
And all whilst brilliant young teachers with incredible
qualifications and sky-high IQs toil in obscurity.
4) YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG. YOUR PARENTS REALLY DO KNOW
NOTHING.
All children say mean things about their parents. At school we combat this, making vague but supportive noises about how they have your best interests at heart. But you’re actually completely right. Your parents really ARE stupid. They had you on a whim, because babies make cute noises and are fun on television. But they were not qualified to do this, and they are really just guessing their way through it. Consequently, only about half of the decisions they make have any likelihood of being remotely correct or appropriate regarding your upbringing.
All children say mean things about their parents. At school we combat this, making vague but supportive noises about how they have your best interests at heart. But you’re actually completely right. Your parents really ARE stupid. They had you on a whim, because babies make cute noises and are fun on television. But they were not qualified to do this, and they are really just guessing their way through it. Consequently, only about half of the decisions they make have any likelihood of being remotely correct or appropriate regarding your upbringing.
Hurts doesn’t it?
Your entire childhood is really just up to chance, and things they may
or may not have seen on Supernanny one night when they were having their
dinner.
5) EVERYTHING IS DECAYING AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.
We try not to dwell on it in school, but it’s true.
We try not to dwell on it in school, but it’s true.
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